Thanksgiving Cynic Gifts

"Running Deer sends his regrets."

"Well, Uncle Marvin got drunk and channeled his inner Rush Limbaugh. My Aunt threw a bible at my sister when she said that Donald Trump was not the second coming of Christ. . ."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

'I hate all holidays!'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'The customer is always right...'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Thanksgiving.

'I don't know what happened in there, Stanley... But I've completely lost the urge to eat. I mean it - I feel stuffed! Supposed to come back right before thanksgiving for a follow-up though.'

"You want the lead role in the Thanksgiving play, don't you? Try again, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble' - this time with feeling!"

"God, I hate theme dinners."

'Spuds were watery. And where's my damn dessert?'

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

"I survived this long by telling all the young toms that a farmer will bring an ax to cut the fence downed set free the first turkey he sees."

'I don't like this!'

'Two beef and pork by-products and a turkey dog, please!'

'Despite what they sing, I don't think Christmas is really the season to be jolly...'

Hospital food. Because you're just not sick enough.

'You know why Pilgrim's pants fall down? They wear their buckles on their hats.' Where Light and Dark Meat Comes From.

Dog pointing to turkey who stole his dog cone.

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

"Mrs. Bennett hung my turkey right next to Kevin Russell's pilgrims."

'Ms Phelps, can you help me? I seem to have misplaced my Christmas spirit.'

I'm With Delicious

Turkey Black Fridays.

'Your x-rays don't look good.'

"Just another silly programme this Christmas."

"What a nutcase."