Thanksgiving Gifts

"I like it after the holidays, when the crowds are gone."

The Last Thanksgiving

"Well they look pretty undocumented to me."

"I'm just concerned that we're forgetting the true meaning of Cyber Monday."

Pilgrim to Indian: 'We'd like to buy your land. Do you take discover card?'

'Just how long do you illegal aliens plan on stayin in our country?'

"You just show up here illegally and expect us to tell you about corn?"

People of the Fall

"Should we worry that the farmer "liked" our selfie, and commented about how delicious we look?"

Thanksgiving Boxing Ring

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

'Quack.'

'If you look at paragraph 23 section 12 you'll see that your comprehensive life insurance does not in fact cover the thanksgiving holiday period.'

Smartphone Holiday.

'I hope this doesn't turn into a tradition.'

"We'd like to promote the concept of a nontraditional Thanksgiving."

"Between the hat, the sunglasses and the mask, I think we're good."

'Skip the meal more room for dessert!'

'I know I don't have much saved up, but I really need to retire before the end of the month.'

Thanksgiving.

'Who will you be celebrating Black Friday with this year?'

"Oh no I left my bagpipes in the oven."

"Well, it's time to head off for the holidays."

A sky writer writes, 'Thank you.'

'I don't know why Doc, but I always feel anxious around thanksgiving!'

"No giblets, but there's an organ-donor card."

'Christmas is coming; I want to review my policy.'

'Funny, every November, she always seems to find herself an overweight boyfriend with life insurance.'

"I'm mostly thankful for leftover halloween costumes."

"Man, I am stuffed."

'In celebration of Thanksgiving, this week's pie charts are all pumpkin flavored!'

'Tom, I think you better rearrange your tail feathers.'

'It's perfectly natural to have anxiety attacks this time of year.'

'And we also thank the FDA for this genetically engineered food.'

"Which side of the plates do the cellphones go?"