Texting Theologian Gifts

"So, does God always call people to the ministry or can he text too?"

I know it's been ages since my last confession, but I trust you've been getting my texts?

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

'Are you going to answer my text message or not?'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

"At last! - A text from Godot!!"

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

Nil by text - "Don't worry, Mr. Smith, we will soon cure your addiction."

"If you need me, I'll be in my room watching YouTube videos, texting, Skyping and blowing off my homework."

'I'm texting my inner child.'

'No, officer, I wasn't driving erratically while talking on the cell phone. I was text messaging.'

'Does it come with any Apps'

"What format shalt I save these in?"

"My wife is a very emojical person."

"He calls it the eBible."

I'll go first. this is so stupid. Just try it. Fine. Go first. Commencing text. Beep, No problem. I can do this. Take it. One second. Oh, no. It's coming on. Two seconds … It burns! Give me my phone. U R addict. Still, three seconds. A personal record.

"There is no power button, it's a Bible."

Texting in the Gilded Age.

God sits, wearing a shirt that says "O.M.G."

"The bad news is that the voices in my head have started text messaging me."

'Bummer. When they passed out textbooks, I thought we were going to study text messaging.'

'I speak three languages, if you include text-ese and my fake British accent.'

'Okay, now...while holding down the commandment key, type in the number ten.'

Modern Temptation

"The universal remote. That's how God rules the universe."

Turtles Texting Each Other

Prpr 2 Skype thy Mkr.

The end of grammar & spelling is near.

"If Neil could only be half the man he is in his texts..."

"Well, Rachel... I suppose you could say that Moses downloaded the commandments from the cloud."

'I think you're losing me.'

So then we went