Digital Theologian Gifts

"I don't need a book that records people's good and evil deeds. Nowadays I just check social media accounts."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

The Googler

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'We've re-branded.'

'What do you mean, I just flunked the Turing test?'

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"We no longer have to hide. Bigfoot hunters now only search for us online. It's going to be lonely around here."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"Fact amnesty"

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

'What does the internet have against my people?'

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password

The Thinker (with a laptop).

Digito Ergo Sum.

'I think I'll wait for the movie.'

"With all the AI and deep fake technology, I'm not even sure what's real anymore."

Information Macht Frei

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."