Texting Detective Gifts

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

'He ain't texting, Boss...'

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Weird – I think everything they watch is called, That actor looks so familiar what else have we seen him in.

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"We're going to need the best forensic accountants money can buy."

The Tangents talk it over.

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

I spy with my little eye in the sky …

The Hypocritic Oath

"The war that wasn't a war isn't a disaster."

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

Violence on TV.

'So now you sniff out drugs. That's it, no more TV cop shows.'

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"What's the word I'm looking for?" "What's the word I'm looking for?" "What's the word I'm looking for?"

'I think it means corporate control is now complete.'

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'

"He's either 'still water runs deep' or an oxygen-depleted dead zone."

"I'm guessing it's too soon in the relationship for me to totally creep you out."

"Richard has quite an ear for dialogue."

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

Cheapskate b*****d told me he'd laid on a box for me to watch the races.