Texting Comedian Gifts

Texting or no texting?

Moses on the web

The Mating Call of the Modern Youth

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

Man jumping into swimming pool with phone.

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Cold caller.

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

'My client should get a shorter sentence since he did use 'Lol'.'

'I wish they wouldn't insist on using the abridged text.'

'If we are to have effective communication with our partner organisations, it's probably best if we do not use text messaging.'

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"Mom, Dad, this is Ryan. From now he'll be managing all of my emoji and GIF responses in your ridiculously long family text message threads."

"Barry looks to have pulled a mussel."

"School can be tricky. They give you text books that have NOTHING to do with texting!"

"Hon, what's an allegory?"

"Say, 'Tissue? I hardly know you,' but don't tell her you're a roll of toilet paper."

'I'm on the train.'

Lost ancient text.

'What? So you're going to send me all the way back there … again, just to say 'O.M.G.'?'

'I won't be in to work today... I woke up with a bug.'

"LOL!"

Fly surfing his A**ebook profile.

"Press 8 to be put on hold for what seems like forever...press 9 to phone back tomorrow."