Text Message Comedian Gifts

'Can I text it to you later?'

Moses on the web

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'Are you going to answer my text message or not?'

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

Cold caller.

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'My client should get a shorter sentence since he did use 'Lol'.'

Our Universe: Matter (.0001%), Dark Matter (40%), Spam (60%)

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

'I wish they wouldn't insist on using the abridged text.'

'If we are to have effective communication with our partner organisations, it's probably best if we do not use text messaging.'

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

Texting in the Gilded Age.

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

God sits, wearing a shirt that says "O.M.G."

'Bummer. When they passed out textbooks, I thought we were going to study text messaging.'

"Hon, what's an allegory?"

"If Neil could only be half the man he is in his texts..."

"Mom, Dad, this is Ryan. From now he'll be managing all of my emoji and GIF responses in your ridiculously long family text message threads."

Ahab's Last Call.

Texting or no texting?

Correction Fluid

Lost ancient text.

'I'm on the train.'

"Tell me, where do you expect to be texting incessantly in five years?"

'What? So you're going to send me all the way back there … again, just to say 'O.M.G.'?'

"Say, 'Tissue? I hardly know you,' but don't tell her you're a roll of toilet paper."

'I won't be in to work today... I woke up with a bug.'