Text Message Comedian T-Shirts

'Can I text it to you later?'

Moses on the web

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'Are you going to answer my text message or not?'

Cold caller.

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

Our Universe: Matter (.0001%), Dark Matter (40%), Spam (60%)

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

'My client should get a shorter sentence since he did use 'Lol'.'

'I wish they wouldn't insist on using the abridged text.'

'If we are to have effective communication with our partner organisations, it's probably best if we do not use text messaging.'

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination? I would, but I'm the person he's texting.

Texting in the Gilded Age.

'Bummer. When they passed out textbooks, I thought we were going to study text messaging.'

God sits, wearing a shirt that says "O.M.G."

"If Neil could only be half the man he is in his texts..."

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

"Mom, Dad, this is Ryan. From now he'll be managing all of my emoji and GIF responses in your ridiculously long family text message threads."

"Hon, what's an allegory?"

Ahab's Last Call.

'I'm on the train.'

Boy, you were this close to getting in until I checked these photos of you on Facebook.

Lost ancient text.

Correction Fluid

"Say, 'Tissue? I hardly know you,' but don't tell her you're a roll of toilet paper."

Texting or no texting?

"Tell me, where do you expect to be texting incessantly in five years?"

'What? So you're going to send me all the way back there … again, just to say 'O.M.G.'?'