Texting Humorist Gifts

'I wish they wouldn't insist on using the abridged text.'

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

Catroom.

"It's a 'selfie.'"

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

Better Living Through Technology

'It says I can't access Pharaoh's tablet unless I'm on his buddies list.'

'Why in the world do you want to log on to the vet doctor. who did a 'fix' job on you?!'

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

"Grandpa can't hear you. Turn on your caps lock."

'Can you do anything else?'

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

He's a statue. I told him not to friend Medusa on Facebook.

'My client should get a shorter sentence since he did use 'Lol'.'

The First Selfie!

"Er, sorry guys. It didn't look this big on instagram!"

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

'He's our Spam expert!'

'Another failure to communicate?'

'If we are to have effective communication with our partner organisations, it's probably best if we do not use text messaging.'

A dog is embarrassed by his actions when recorded on his owner's mobile phone.

"There's no such thing as a stupid question -- There are, however, stupid Google searches."

"I'll have my people call your people."

Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination? I would, but I'm the person he's texting.

"Your online comment meets the offence of serious insult. The 13 spelling mistakes in the 17 words of your comment constitutes a crime against the English language!"

"Stop saying 'Content is King'!"

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"Look at the bright side, you finally have followers."

Rage-Tweeting Impeachment

Spam Folders

Hillary on Instagram