Textile Humorist Gifts

'You poor chump! You let them talk you into polyester pants!'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

The mysterious Sherlock Holmes - 'Is he wearing his cap backwards or forwards?'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

I'm sure it's fake.

The Dandy

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

'Calm down...it's probably just another mirage.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'Relax, Wilson-I'm just off to the loo.'

Flight Socks.

"I found an old photo of us, when we were punk rockers... Didn't we look ridiculous?"

"Trust me, detainee orange is going to be huge this fall."

'Wow, look at all these prescription drugs that are out of date.' FLUSH 'Happy as clams explained.'

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

'Look! Man has been here!' 'Yeah, it must have been a man because the seat was left up.'

Cat scares away fish design on man's shirt.

"Looks like Billy clogged up the toilet again."

The Rural Bidet...

Moon's Portaloo.

Where Pleather Comes From

Circus trousers

Unsuitable clothing.

"Arr! This isn't the map to the treasure, it's the map to me winter sweaters."

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

'Let's face it, we're not meant to wear hats...'

"I'm thinking of waxing my back."

'It's hard to look intimidating with this feather thing going on.'

'My tux is at the cleaners.'

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

"Take me to your toilet."

Misguided Hairstyles of The Animal World.

'It's royal Stilton, put a tie on.'