Texan Storyteller T-Shirts

Operation Jade Helm

"At times I wonder what I've done with my life that makes me worth being saved."

The Environmentalist

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

Silhouette hawk swooping down to catch a silhouette rabbit.

Dragon Recycling the Knights it has defeated

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"By God, Man! Yes!! This is the stuff we're looking for!"

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

Lion to safari man: 'I'm the king of the jungle and these are my official spokesmen.'

Two 'superheros' show the discrepancy in toilet paper production.

"You must be new around here, pardner."

"You're overprotective. Stop telling her not to go out on a limb."

Robert Johnson

The Battle of the Pictures.

"Well, I deal with death and carrion every day: Laughing is a therapeutic way of avoiding depression..."

A Salmon Lie

If you left the window open and the light on when I was little, the room would fill with insects...

Polar Bear Paparazzi.

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"

'What did you do with the apple I gave you yesterday?'

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

"My landing gear won't come down. I have a cramp."

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'

"We all agree something should be done and someone else should do it."

Trap set by bear to catch hunter.

"Yes, I can remember when it was nothing but forest land as far as you could see."

'Of course the scientists have got this all wrong about climate change.'

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'