Western Storyteller T-Shirts

"I don't think it's a posse- it looks more like a subcommitee."

"Nobody dared to cross the stranger with a big iron on his hip."

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"You must be new around here, pardner."

'Don't think about it, Banjo!'

"...and that's my great-great uncle Billy. He was the world's first and only mime gunfighter. He died in his first shootout."

"Meet the author"

"The knights of the round accent table"

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

(Maps to the Homes of the Steers) (Maps $ 100)

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

Frontispiece to 'The Pickwick Papers'

'Ok, so we agree that we're going to throw them into the cactus.'

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

'Your barn door's open.'

'I still write all my novels longhand.'

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"

'Marriage is okay, I guess, but I sure will be glad when my wife learns not to starch my jeans.'

'Hey you two! Take that outside!'

Martin is much gratified by an imposing ceremony

The Magi: Christmas, 1993

And I got an honorary Purple Heart for sticking myself with one of my flag pins.

TV Guide: Cowboy Cowboys.

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'

'Buck, the town's bein' attacked by tin cans! Sheriff's looking' all over for ya.'

When Bob stopped bragging about the economic benefits of his conestoga rickshaw.

"The rumors were true - you're the slowest gun in the West."

statue in park: 'Arnold P. Rossiter, a local boy who went to the big city and made it big... and now he's back home, flipping burgers, just like we always said he would.'

Hadleyville Has-Beens

"No, you don't get to put your spin on them."

"I said reach for the sky stranger. It's a figure of speech. I didn't mean literally!"

"Alright, if Outlaw A is 6 foot 2, 220 punds and Outlaw B is 6 foot 4, 245 pounds, is Town C in fact big enough for the both of em?"

"Hello Billy, how is your mother?"