Texan Storyteller Pillows

Operation Jade Helm

"At times I wonder what I've done with my life that makes me worth being saved."

The Environmentalist

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

Silhouette hawk swooping down to catch a silhouette rabbit.

Dragon Recycling the Knights it has defeated

"By God, Man! Yes!! This is the stuff we're looking for!"

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

Lion to safari man: 'I'm the king of the jungle and these are my official spokesmen.'

Two 'superheros' show the discrepancy in toilet paper production.

Robert Johnson

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

"Well, I deal with death and carrion every day: Laughing is a therapeutic way of avoiding depression..."

"You must be new around here, pardner."

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"

If you left the window open and the light on when I was little, the room would fill with insects...

The Battle of the Pictures.

Polar Bear Paparazzi.

"You're overprotective. Stop telling her not to go out on a limb."

A Salmon Lie

'What did you do with the apple I gave you yesterday?'

"My landing gear won't come down. I have a cramp."

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'

"We all agree something should be done and someone else should do it."

Trap set by bear to catch hunter.

"Yes, I can remember when it was nothing but forest land as far as you could see."

"Well Virginia, thanks to climate change there isn't a Santa Claus anymore."

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'