Testimonies Gifts

'I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth ... almost.'

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

Silence of the Chickens...

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"We need to stop sharing one set of clothes."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

Moby Dick

"You're ruining our reputation, Bob!"

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

'I told you we should have done the balloon toss.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Fifty Shades of Gray

Memoirs: Fiction/Non Fiction.

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'

'Please, Grandpa Turkey! Tell us about the Christmas massacre and the Thanksgiving bloodbath!'

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

"They called me Dumbo. A memoir of redemption."

So … how did you two meet?

"I wouldn't worry about the big bab wolf - he can't muster much puff."