Territory Tale Fan Gifts

'Sorry Mr Wolf, but your neighbours have complained again about you 'marking' your territory...'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

Fishing Tales

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

Thomas Hardy

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

"That's right kiddo, I'm one of the original band members of the Musicians of Bremen..."

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

Men reading Tall Stories, and Short Stories in a Library

'All this is nuthin! There was one yeaw up noth...when it snowed fah two yeaws! I had t'dig down ten feet t'haul in my lobstah traps.'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

"You should've seen the triceratops that got away. It had to be this...um...this...uh...well, it was huge."

Subway Thrillers

"At long last, Wyatt, our dream has come true and we are within reach of the legendary toast fields of the Sierra Madre."

'A boy! Standing on a burning deck! I bet nobody did a risk assessment?'

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

A Salmon Lie

'Alsace-Lorraine - What did YOU get for Christmas?'

'Take Gerald a cup of punch or something, I think he's feeling left out.'

Captain Eddie's New Boat:'The insurance company laughed last year when I insisted on adding Kraken coverage.'

Another musical treatise from the 16th century is discovered.

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'He doesn't exaggerate, he just remembers big.'

Circus trousers

'Go to Hell'

"Have you tried unplugging and plugging it back in?"

'That's right kids: I jumped through rings of fire when I was with the Circus!'

'The Moving Finger Writes; And, Having Writ, Moves On To A Three Week, Twenty City Book Tour.'

"So I break free and I swear that hook was this big."

"You look good for your age."

"In your original statement, you said the fish was much bigger."

'I don't believe for one minute that an octopus crawled up last night and ate all the coconuts!'

'He's lying about either a fish or his penis.'

A Tale of the Sea