Terra-firma Tamers Pillows

"You've never planted a garden before, have you?"

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

Multi-tasking.

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

Toys in the DVD Player.

Need an elevated state of mind too!

"Do you remember ordering 1,345 cans of tuna?"

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

Timber preservation

"Just put that in my, 'I'll get to it when I can, I'm only human' pile."

UBLIC RELATIONS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

'Look! It's superwoman...and all her assistants!'

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

'Storm'

Overwhelmed by Paperwork

"It seems that your body is adjusting itself to the amount of multitasking you've been doing."

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

'The only thing I grow in my garden is tired!'

Golf Hil Divot

An astronaut dowses on the moon.

When a nanosecond is forever.

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

"Because you always do that with your fingers."

"He used to fetch my paper, but now that I read online he's my IT support."

'Grow you son of a bitch!'