Tenured Professor Gifts

'I can't divorce me, I have tenure.'

'Hmph. College kids.'

Thinking Gears

"Make a lot of money."

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

U of Debt

University Soapflakes

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'BANG' and a cosmology institute appears.

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

Bearded Leftie.

Subatomic particles

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

'And from this point follow me very carefully.'

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

"My husband's the academic. I just like to travel. I'm more of a pandemic."

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.