Tenure Trekker Gifts

'Uh, we do have tenure, don't well?

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

Nature Lovers

School trip little porters.

Future Tents

'This part was tenure.'

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'We can probably make Mars in one day.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

"Does the No. 1 stop here and does that go to Penn Station and can I get a train there to Philadelphia and then how do I get to Walnut Street?"

"You're doing great - keep it up."

"It's one mile as the crow flies, ten miles as the lost hiker bushwhacks."

Gym: Back and Forth or Going Nowhere.

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

We like to show the endowment to newly tenured professors.

"Well, it certainly explains why everyone's so nice!"

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

'I need to lose enough pounds to take a thirty-five meal cruise!'

"Hey. . . in use!"

"The gods really love tight buns."

'...... in sickness and in health, through the long lean years before tenure or perhaps no tenure, for better of for worse ......'

"Courtney: Raised by hamsters"

'Go to Daddy!'

"Before I was Socrates, I was Socrates the adjunct professor struggling to get tenure."

You're in the Engineering Quad, Just Back Away Slowly and Find the Humanities Quad.

Speed enforced by really slow walkers.

'Says here that if you meet a bear in the woods, never try to outrun it!'

Bird Lays Eggs in Climber's Helmet.

Have you seen the other tent pole?

'I got the idea from the parks department.'

"Today, class, I'm proud to announce my tenure."

Part-time, Associate, Tenured.

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'