Tenure Trickster Gifts

"The 'Maurice Q. Dinkelfrost Professor of Economics' really is an endowed chair even though we made up the name just to amuse ourselves."

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

'Your shoe's untied.'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

Some card-game puns

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

Candid Camera store.

Primitive magician

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

Yoyo sheep

'Of course he can do tricks...it's just he's got a bad memory.'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

Magic Tricks

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

'Look, Dad! -- I taught Shep to walk on his hind legs!'

Magic Tricks

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

A dog has inflated the family cats with helium and they are floating on the roof.

"Police, this is the wife of Magi the magician, something's happened to him!"

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

Dog bringing paper and paper boy.

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

"Mom, that magic kit you got me for my birthday, we may have a problem."

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

He'd attended Julliard and done Shakespeare in the park, and he never thought he'd sink this low, but there were bills to pay, and there weren't that many jobs out there for a bottle of seltzer water.'

"Honey, the dog learned a new trick. And now I owe him twelve dollars."

"There's nothing magical about if, actually I just have a knack for this sort of thing."

"I love this ghost costume because it covers this costume. I remove it and go back for seconds!"

"Let's try 'roll over.' We can come back to this."