Tenure Trickster Pillows

"The 'Maurice Q. Dinkelfrost Professor of Economics' really is an endowed chair even though we made up the name just to amuse ourselves."

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

'Your shoe's untied.'

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

Some card-game puns

Primitive magician

Candid Camera store.

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Of course he can do tricks...it's just he's got a bad memory.'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

Yoyo sheep

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

'Look, Dad! -- I taught Shep to walk on his hind legs!'

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

Wet Cement. Always the joker, aren't you, Ernie?

Magic Tricks

Magic Tricks

A dog has inflated the family cats with helium and they are floating on the roof.

"Mom, that magic kit you got me for my birthday, we may have a problem."

"Police, this is the wife of Magi the magician, something's happened to him!"

He'd attended Julliard and done Shakespeare in the park, and he never thought he'd sink this low, but there were bills to pay, and there weren't that many jobs out there for a bottle of seltzer water.'

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

Dog bringing paper and paper boy.

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

"Honey, the dog learned a new trick. And now I owe him twelve dollars."

"There's nothing magical about if, actually I just have a knack for this sort of thing."

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'