Television Truther Gifts

"If I see that commercial one more time, I can hate it enough to ignore it."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Local News in Heaven

Vanna White: The Later Years.

Next camera crew 5 mins

Reporter #6: television.

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

'And that's how to make pancakes.'

Freedom of the press

"In other news a new study indicates dogs are still better than cats."

Presenter Auditions.

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

'...tonights main feature is silent and in black and white.'

'On a personal note, I'm pleased to report I've been upgraded from reporter to opinionated loudmouthed pundit.'

'It's educational TV, Mom — the redheaded girl in the lime-green bikini has a teaching degree.'

Television guests' essentials in November.

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

Stephen Fry.

The great Tea Bag Scam!

"This is Matt with your five day forecast, on location."

Out of Context Nite with Jeremy Clarkson.

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

Silly News.

'Eggs, I'm cooking eggs!'

"I understand your feelings, dear, but don't you think that Jane Pauley would just as soon see you keep your strength up?"