Television Documentary Fan Gifts

David Attenborough

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Before the Internet

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

"Oh, come on! Nobody brought a pen?"

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

They're watching a documentary about safety razors. Sounds like a Schick flick!

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

"The end of 'Shark Week' is near!"

Clive Anderson

"Ugh! Stop making a drama documentary out of a molehill."

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." It's okay for a first draft, Thomas, but it'll be much better if you make it rhyme!

A penguin's life is like endless summer camp, swimming and fishing all day every day!

'Phoor...watch these sperm whales at it...ah...yes..yes...'

"But what's my motivation?"

Fahrenheit 911.

"The X files...the tooth is out there"

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

A typical Monday. Zombie Truck-Driving Maniacs! South Pole Penguin Love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

"Nothing like the History Channel to get you to appreciate these peaceful times we're enjoying."

Finding Bigfoot

'I'm freezing...The rich list is a little thin this year.'

"Those pervs from the nature channel are filming us again."

Steve Irwin.

'If you're going to stare at that thing all day, at least watch something educational,,, like Japan,'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

"Are you not infotained?!!"

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

"The last week of school is totally cool!"

'I guess our fifteen minutes are up.'