Television Cook Pillows

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

Will work for Food Network.

Bake off: Flan B

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

Alphabet soup

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

Here's one I made earlier.

My Cauldron Rules

'Mmmm. How do you get the custard so creamy? You must give me the recipie!'

Recipes.

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

Master Chef

Anton Mosimann

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

The Picture of Mary Berry

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."