Television Cook Gifts

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Keith Floyd.

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

Will work for Food Network.

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

Bake off: Flan B

Alphabet soup

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'Have you been using that Hairy Bikers cookbook again'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

It's a Gordon Ramsay recipe, so if you don't ****** like it you can ******* off.

Mary Berry

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

'Mmmm. How do you get the custard so creamy? You must give me the recipie!'

'There's a Mr. Oliver to see you. Says he can save the world.'

My Cauldron Rules

Recipes.

Here's one I made earlier.

Anton Mosimann

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

Gordon Ramsay

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

The Picture of Mary Berry

Nigella Lawson

Master Chef