Telesales Agent Gifts

'There is someone on the phone for you.'

'Pradeep's in the lead with 326 no replies, 347 hang-ups within three seconds, 576 'Not Interested's and 1837 ***** off's...'

COWS: Cow telesales

'Bad career moves, number 53'

'Well I'm pretty hacked off myself - this headset is ruining my hair.'

Headphones Strip 1: 24/7 customer helpline

Salesperson on the phone.

'Yes, I'm talking to you from my sell phone.'

Your call is important to us...

Cull people who say they will call you but never do.

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

"Why do companies put you on hold and then play that awful, garbled recorded music...?"

"We are currently experiencing high call volumes..."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

Larry's used art

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"