Telepresence Fan Gifts

"You know you can't see her."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Comedy Cafe

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

Time Machine Collision

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

"Barbara, will you check your texts for a ring emoji?"

'Hey...here's a hot prospect...likes catching frisbees, chasing squirrels, rolling in smelly stuff...'

Fire starts at magic show while audience participant is left behind.

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

"It appears you have a virus."

'Did you get through to the speaking clock, Dear?' 'Tick and tock and tick and tock and tick...'

Workplace Confidentiality.

'Yes, a winky face is correcy...But in ancient times, the semicolon was actually used to separate archaic written devices know as 'complete sentences.''

'My laptop's being repaired and I felt lost without a screensaver to stare at.'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

Argh, typical! I always think of a terrifying thing to say after the s

Smile you're on camera! You're also on my podcast!

'The E.S.P. phone: "Hi! I'm on the train."

The phantom of the Oprah.

"I do miss the crystal ball."

"Just a minute - I'm uploading."

'No, officer, I wasn't driving erratically while talking on the cell phone. I was text messaging.'

"Everyone here is bonding over pictures of their dogs."

You Will Find a Nearby Restaurant!

Vents, real and digital.

'Maybe we should get into high-tech.'

'Cheap seats!'

"I'm sorry, he's just left the stage. May I take a message?"

"It occurred to me that there's no rule against having mutant telekinetic powers and pepper spray."

3...2...1...I'm Recording

"I find her remarkably attractive."

Poor turnout, Please help.

Selfie Extension Stik

'Anyway, thanks for listening to me...'