Telephone Tormentor Pillows

'Welcome to hell, this is your customer service. Your questions and wishes will be ignored and you've got to listen to my squeaky cartoon voice for ever.'

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

Busy office.

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

Man on a treadmill desperately trying to get at a carrot dangling infront of him from a stick tied to his back

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

"Hold music will return after we pause for a commerial"

"We already changed our phone service to something or other last week, so we don't need whatever it is you have."

'Jenny can't come to the phone, she's naked. Only joking, mate. Wrong number.'

Call centre musicians

"Operator, I'd like to make a person-to-person call, and I'd like to reverse the roles."

'It's for you.'

"What do you mean: 'You don't believe that this is my answerphone'? Do you think I'd lie?"

Prank Cattle Calls. (mmph)

'There is someone on the phone for you.'

'He's in a meeting. Would you like to speak to his assistant?'

"I hope you don't think that music while I waited soothed me."

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

"You can stop holding sir, everyone has gone home."

'This is Jake. I'm not in now, so please leave a message...HELLO! HELLO! This is Jake! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm just mesin' with you! I'm still NOT in!'

'I don't care if today IS 'casual day'! Stop answering the phone with 'International Beeswax Machines'!'

A.T.&T.'s New Competitors

'I'm away from my desk. At the sound, please leave a message.' (Man has horn in his hand).

"I'm sorry, he's not here right now, but I could get one of his socks for you."

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

Heck Support.

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

I'm away from my desk, please leave a message after my interpretation of a beep.

It's that heavy breathing again.

'The number you have reached has gone bankrupt....'

'I don't take telemarketing calls during dinner time. Can I call you back during your dinner time?'

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

'He's busy right now but if it's important I'll wake him.'

'If you wish to complain please press 2 and then select the Death Metal band that you'd like to listen to while you are on hold.'