Telephone Tantrum Enthusiast Pillows

'I don't mind the obscene phone calls. But I object to them reversing the charges.'

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

'I'll get back to you when I'm myself, Eddie.'

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

". . . But, hey, man, I just want to say this in all sincerity, man, that you are the greatest, man, you the el numero uno cat in my book, man you. . ."

Call centre musicians

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

"My computer still won't work. It must still hold a grudge from when I punched it in frustration."

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

'I agree-Gary Lineker can get up your nose sometimes,but...'

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

'You used foul and offensive language when addressing your computer. Well....we've all done that.'

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

'Of course your computer crashed, you threw it out the third floor window.'

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

'Are you still frustrated with the computer, dear?'

'He's busy right now but if it's important I'll wake him.'

Phone: 'The number you have reached has been changed and will change again if you don't leave us alone!'

"Anderson, Anderson and Andersons - Stephens speaking."

'No. This is orcs. Shipping is extension 419.'

"Do you mean to say that we have both been on hold for half an hour?"

'Welcome to hell, this is your customer service. Your questions and wishes will be ignored and you've got to listen to my squeaky cartoon voice for ever.'

'Looks like the cat's been playing with the telephone cord again.'

"Getting the WiFi to Work"

'For Pete's sake, can't you just tell me instead of emailing me?'

"Another one of those heavy breathers dear?"

'Wow... boss, that was a pretty sensitive caller! He said he can't talk to me because of my halitosis!'

'Billy, you know that my number is on the 'do not call' registry.'

"Every time I got frustrated with my computer, I would slam on the keyboard. This time the keyboard fought back."

"I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number. There's no hot lips here."