Telephone Message Humor Pillows

"Stop after leaving that 85th message. We don't want to sound desperate."

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

Call centre musicians

'Can you do anything else?'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

'Please hold for an eternity...'

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

"I'll have my people call your people."

"Operator, get me my hair!"

'Sorry but my disposable income is tied up in a roast in the oven.'

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

"Mom, Dad, this is Ryan. From now he'll be managing all of my emoji and GIF responses in your ridiculously long family text message threads."

Ahab's Last Call.

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

"Thank you for calling customer service. Before we start, am I mispronouncing your name correctly?"

'He's busy right now but if it's important I'll wake him.'

"You'll have to clarify. Do you want to speak to the head of the household or my dad?"

"Thank you for calling the unemployment office. No one can take your call right now, because we've all been laid off."

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

Do I have a time to take a quick survey?

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

'If you've got a complaint, please press 1. If we can help you to find something to complain about, please press 2.'

'My Mom was a call girl - and retired after 20 years at the phone company.'

"I'm sorry, you're very faint. Could you pant a bit louder please?"

"You're going to put me on hold? OK, I'm not going anywhere."

'I've got to hang up now, There's someone at the door.'

"Do you mean to say that we have both been on hold for half an hour?"