Telephone Joker Pillows

"You've reached the former residence of the Fusco Brothers. If you are a collection agency, we have moved to Venezuela. If you are a woman, we were kidding about Venezuela, so please leave a message."

'The number you have reached has gone bankrupt....'

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

Overworked

The Communicator

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

"Hold music will return after we pause for a commerial"

STRIP Hambone: This one's a great little number cruncher!

'Jenny can't come to the phone, she's naked. Only joking, mate. Wrong number.'

"We already changed our phone service to something or other last week, so we don't need whatever it is you have."

"But officer. I wasn't texting. I was `sexting`."

Call centre musicians

"What do you mean: 'You don't believe that this is my answerphone'? Do you think I'd lie?"

Prank Cattle Calls. (mmph)

"Operator, I'd like to make a person-to-person call, and I'd like to reverse the roles."

"Are you sure this is how you get Twitter verified?"

'It's for you.'

Woman holding two phones together.

"Ha ha, I guess my photo on the dating site may have been a little misleading."

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

'He's in a meeting. Would you like to speak to his assistant?'

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

"I'm on the internet, dad...I am trolling!"

"Gotta go."

'I don't care if today IS 'casual day'! Stop answering the phone with 'International Beeswax Machines'!'

'This is Jake. I'm not in now, so please leave a message...HELLO! HELLO! This is Jake! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm just mesin' with you! I'm still NOT in!'

A.T.&T.'s New Competitors

"Normally, we only issue one phone to new hires, but we're bringing you in at a busy time."

Multitasking.

'Kid, you flunked the driving test. But you get high marks in audio system tuning, cell phone fumbling, and GPS fiddling.'

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

"I'm sorry, he's not here right now, but I could get one of his socks for you."

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

'I'm away from my desk. At the sound, please leave a message.' (Man has horn in his hand).

I'm away from my desk, please leave a message after my interpretation of a beep.