Phone Jester Pillows

FWUMP

"I always try to answer my phone by the fifth note."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

Hardware and software

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

Bad Interview Technique

'They just kept sending out memos. Who cared if they made sense?'

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

Overworked

The Communicator

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

"I only have two apps on my phone. One makes me spend all my money and the other gives me embezzling tips."

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

"Hold music will return after we pause for a commerial"

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Texting Rodeo Clown

"But Wendy could serve the Lord. She'll keep the cats out."

"It's terminal? Brill, I was worried my YouTube channel was loosing it edge."

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

Cyber crime.

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

Woman holding two phones together.

Why do my wife's lips move when I'm talking.

"Normally, we only issue one phone to new hires, but we're bringing you in at a busy time."

Cow Printer

"Gotta go."

"I see balloons, food and drinks. Not only are there ants in our keyboard, they seem to be having a party."

Computer clown.

Multitasking.

'Kid, you flunked the driving test. But you get high marks in audio system tuning, cell phone fumbling, and GPS fiddling.'

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.