Phone Jester Pillows

FWUMP

"I always try to answer my phone by the fifth note."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

Hardware and software

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

Oh, wait - Their king posted a declaration of war on your Facebook wall this morning.

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

Bad Interview Technique

'They just kept sending out memos. Who cared if they made sense?'

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

Overworked

The Communicator

"I only have two apps on my phone. One makes me spend all my money and the other gives me embezzling tips."

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

"Hold music will return after we pause for a commerial"

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

"It's terminal? Brill, I was worried my YouTube channel was loosing it edge."

Texting Rodeo Clown

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"But Wendy could serve the Lord. She'll keep the cats out."

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

Cyber crime.

Woman holding two phones together.

Multitasking.

"Normally, we only issue one phone to new hires, but we're bringing you in at a busy time."

How Clowns Find Their Inner Peace.

Computer clown.

"I see balloons, food and drinks. Not only are there ants in our keyboard, they seem to be having a party."

Why do my wife's lips move when I'm talking.

Cow Printer

"Gotta go."