Telemarketer Gifts

"Oh, I'm really sorry. I just placed three million with some broker who called five minutes ago."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

"Hi, I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

Very busy at Indian call centre. Laid-back in UK office. Man asks: 'Could we outsource tea-making?'

"I'm starting to think humans don't even like winning free cruises."

"Insurance, anyone?"

'Try recording it again but this time, don't laugh when you say, 'Your call is important to us'.'

'Well, yes, the fine print is in Arabic, but it's a wonderful language.'

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

'What makes you think I'm in telemarketing?'

'I hate cold calls.'

'We Want Our Jobs Back'

"Do you think computers will take our jobs?"

"That guy is incredible! He's coaxed the fish to invest 20,000 bucks...in catfood stocks!"

Telesales - "Good evening, could I speak to the dog of the house?"

'Thank you for calling civil liberties - your call may be recorded...'

'All our staff are currently on a customer care course. . . please wait, your call is important to us!'

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'Jones, you're not LOL.'

"I'm not trying to sell you anything, sir. I'm doing market research, and all I ask is two or three hours of your time to answer a few thousand questions."

'For acall centre in Bangalore press 1 - for one in Hyderbad press......'

Nuisance Direct: 'No, we're not selling anything - we just like to piss you off.'

"Like I said, your own little office."

'The fact that I'm not a telemarketer hasn't stopped women from putting me on their 'Do Not Call' list.'

'You were a telemarketer - how unfortunate.' (St. Peter to dead man at pearly gates)

"Waiting for some customers to call?!"

"We have a wonderful research department and they've identified you as a potentially hot prospect."

'It's one of those cold callers.'

Man awoke by phone in a dream

Willie Nelson, hold music.

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'