Telemarketer Pillows

"Oh, I'm really sorry. I just placed three million with some broker who called five minutes ago."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

"Hi, I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

Very busy at Indian call centre. Laid-back in UK office. Man asks: 'Could we outsource tea-making?'

"I'm starting to think humans don't even like winning free cruises."

"Insurance, anyone?"

'Try recording it again but this time, don't laugh when you say, 'Your call is important to us'.'

'Well, yes, the fine print is in Arabic, but it's a wonderful language.'

'I hate cold calls.'

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

'What makes you think I'm in telemarketing?'

'We Want Our Jobs Back'

"Do you think computers will take our jobs?"

Telesales - "Good evening, could I speak to the dog of the house?"

"That guy is incredible! He's coaxed the fish to invest 20,000 bucks...in catfood stocks!"

'Thank you for calling civil liberties - your call may be recorded...'

Nuisance Direct: 'No, we're not selling anything - we just like to piss you off.'

'Jones, you're not LOL.'

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

"I'm not trying to sell you anything, sir. I'm doing market research, and all I ask is two or three hours of your time to answer a few thousand questions."

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'All our staff are currently on a customer care course. . . please wait, your call is important to us!'

'For acall centre in Bangalore press 1 - for one in Hyderbad press......'

"Like I said, your own little office."

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

'My son's a telemarketer and STILL he doesn't call.'

'Yes, this is actually a very bad time to call me...'

'You were a telemarketer - how unfortunate.' (St. Peter to dead man at pearly gates)

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

"We have a wonderful research department and they've identified you as a potentially hot prospect."

'The fact that I'm not a telemarketer hasn't stopped women from putting me on their 'Do Not Call' list.'

'This call may be monitored for quality, so you'd better have a good reason for bothering us.'

"OMG! You're still there! I'm going to have to out you on hold again while I figure out another way to get rid of you."