Telemarketing Gifts

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

Eureka! This has telemarketing sale of a diet supplement written all over it.

"That guy is incredible! He's coaxed the fish to invest 20,000 bucks...in catfood stocks!"

"OMG! You're still there! I'm going to have to out you on hold again while I figure out another way to get rid of you."

'I'm on the national no-call list so why am I receiving this call from your collection agency?'

'I need time to consider your fabulous offer - Give me your number and I'll call you back tomorrow night at dinner.'

"They're both in telemarketing."

"This call is monitored for quality. Try to keep up your end of the conversation."

Call Center.

When telemarketers pray.

"And here's our best telemarketer. She called a shopping network and sold THEM a zircon!"

"This call may be monitored to see if our operators are working hard to ell you add-ons."

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

It's that danged telemarketer again.

The joys of outsourced customer service

"Looks like Grandpa bought something worthless from another telemarketer!"

"Hello, Mr. Gottlieb of Acme Telemarketing? Oh, did I interrupt your dinner...?"

"I don't mind being hung up on, but I miss the closure of a dial tone's lonely hum."

'We no longer handle the contracting out part. We contract that out.'

'My son never called me until he became a telemarketer.'

'Forgive me, father. I have cold-called 6,482 times for a major stock brokerage since my last confession.'

"Even though I'm a robot with robot with no emotions, all these telemarketing calls I'm getting is starting to get on my nerves."

'Like I said, your own little office.'

'If it isn't double glazing it's a ruddy call centre from India!'

Help Wanted: It's not a job - it's a calling

'Phone Services - Desperate Selling to Small Businesses'

'We'll be back in an hour. Answer the phone if it rings, Burl.' 'What if it doesn't?'

Man cold-calling on phone from igloo

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

Telemarketing dials it up a notch.

Businessman tramples 'sound doctrine'

'It's the Psychic Network - they say they KNOW you've been meaning to call!'

'Is this a bad time?'

'Note to self...eliminate cold calls from sales strategy.'

"Your call is important to us. If you're buying something, it's very important. If you want us to service what you already bought, it's sort of important. If you're calling to complain, your call is a waste of time."