Telemarketing Humorist Gifts

"They're playing 'telemarketer.'"

"The phone company is blocking my calls to you. Have you been reporting me as a telemarketer again?"

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

A building covered in signs reading 'boats'.

'Can you do anything else?'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

"This is the New York 'Times' Business Poll again, Mr. Landau. Do you feel better or worse about the economy than you did twenty minutes ago?"

Super and Super Duper Vitamins.

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"I'll have my people call your people."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

F&E Cafeteria. All you can stomach $12.99. "All you can eat" would sound more appetizing.

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

Ahab's Last Call.

Sorry I missed your call – I was on the other line.

"You'll have to clarify. Do you want to speak to the head of the household or my dad?"

"Thank you for calling the unemployment office. No one can take your call right now, because we've all been laid off."

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

Do I have a time to take a quick survey?

"Thank you for calling customer service. Before we start, am I mispronouncing your name correctly?"

'This call may be ignored for sanity assurance.'

'That's your misfortune, and none of my own, I'm afraid.'

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

"OMG! You're still there! I'm going to have to out you on hold again while I figure out another way to get rid of you."

'My Mom was a call girl - and retired after 20 years at the phone company.'

"Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us. If at some point that's no longer true, we will disconnect."