Telemarketing Humorists Gifts

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

A building covered in signs reading 'boats'.

'Can you do anything else?'

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

"I'll have my people call your people."

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

Super and Super Duper Vitamins.

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

Experience the regional flavors of 2163 Pigeonhole Lane.

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

F&E Cafeteria. All you can stomach $12.99. "All you can eat" would sound more appetizing.

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Motel Check-In. Would you like a wake-up call?

'Those dang telemarketers have a knack for knowing exactly when we're sitting down for dinner don't they?'

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

Ahab's Last Call.

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

"Thank you for calling customer service. Before we start, am I mispronouncing your name correctly?"

'That's your misfortune, and none of my own, I'm afraid.'

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

'This call may be ignored for sanity assurance.'

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

Do I have a time to take a quick survey?

Sorry I missed your call – I was on the other line.

"OMG! You're still there! I'm going to have to out you on hold again while I figure out another way to get rid of you."

'My Mom was a call girl - and retired after 20 years at the phone company.'

'Please stay on the line -- Your call is very important to us.... important to us.... important to us.... important to us....'

"I'm sorry, you're very faint. Could you pant a bit louder please?"

"You're going to put me on hold? OK, I'm not going anywhere."

"Press 8 to be put on hold for what seems like forever...press 9 to phone back tomorrow."