Telegram Turnaround Humor Pillows

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

Dawing your Cellphone

Elon Musk in fly me to the moon

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

Call centre musicians

'I wish to complain about 'Heavy breathing calls'.'

"She'll be riding six white horses when she comes. Stop. She'll be riding six white horses when she comes. Stop. She'll be riding six white horses, she'll be riding six white horses, she'll be riding six white horses when she comes. Stop." "That's just like your mother."

Our Universe: Matter (.0001%), Dark Matter (40%), Spam (60%)

'Please hold for an eternity...'

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

"I'll have my people call your people."

Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination? I would, but I'm the person he's texting.

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

"One moment, please, while I put you on character building hold."

"That's a rotary phone, from when people used their forefinger to call instead of their thumb."

Samuel Morse

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute. Your call will be answered in random order.'

'Yes we have a J.R. Hartley here.'

'He's busy right now but if it's important I'll wake him.'

Twitter (parody) ... of its former self

"Thank you for calling customer service. Before we start, am I mispronouncing your name correctly?"

I told you before, never call me on this number!

'Betty? I can't come over; I've got prickly heat rash again.'

'This call may be ignored for sanity assurance.'

'Must be a personal call - she snarls at the customers!'

Willie Nelson, hold music.

Ow, my finger is really sore. Stop. How about yours? Over.

"Do you mean to say that we have both been on hold for half an hour?"

"Press 8 to be put on hold for what seems like forever...press 9 to phone back tomorrow."

"His sex robot killed him and then I killed her."

"How do I get an outside line?"

Desert CCTV...

"I figure if we can't beat the robo-advisers..."