Teen Health Gifts

"It looks like your son has problem skin."

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

"Three more years of high school."

The Brothers Grime

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"He's gone goth"

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

PROBLEM AREAS

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

How did you get your parents to send you to Costa Rica this summer, Ingrid? By almost flunking Spanish. That's dire. Hardly! I'll party and practice my accent. Next year�remind me to bring my French grade down. Si!

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

Fishbowl rebellion.

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

"Looking cool in a car takes practice."

Mom? Eco club is starting a campaign to eat local food. Good idea. Would you please pack me a lunch from organic stuff grown near here? Ok. I'm sure we have something. Thanks! Oh, boy. A beet sandwich.

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"I'll be glad when this is over and Sarah can be herself again."

"Having a cat will prepare us for having a teenager one day."

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

Teenage Angst.

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

'Don't forget to put gas in the car and the mower.'

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'