Technology Tyrant Gifts

Telephone being thrown from a window in frustration

Abandoning the computer for a typewriter.

"Gosh, I can't believe it's been over 25 years since our company was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the digital age!"

Bill glanced up from his computer. It was dark outside. He smelled of BO. A little voice inside his head whispered, 'you should probably log off now.'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

'I hate PowerPoint.'

"We can't be assailed and we can't be blackmailed... can't be derailed and will not be curtailed... competition will fail... cause we're too big to nail... oh, yeah!"

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

'Does it come on Disc?'

"No screen time means more scream time."

Cyberwarfare

"It's a really cool game! You're Bill Gates, and you have to fight off the evil agents of the Justice Department before they destroy your planet."

"Got some bad news for you, Larry."

"They say it's the first sign of aging - not being able to keep up with new technology."

"I don't get this. I know that you're a computer hacker and must have done many bad things. But your record is completely clean!"

Caveman wheel repairers.

A man looks out a newly made window, while a smashed TV lies on the ground

Enraged by Wikileaks reports of CIA domestic surveillance via home electronics, Della Dinkerbonker fights back.

Desktop Print Hell: '...an eternity of different printers and no windows driver...'

"Judging by all the hair you've pulled out of your head, I must be hard to teach technology to than I thought."

It's important to know what to do when the communication technology doesn't work.

The copier is making a whining noise.

Replaced by a millennial with artificial intelligence.

"My solicitor tells me I have grounds for a divorce. You're a control freak."

'Don't change the channel.'

"Pull over and check your phone" "Once more for good luck" "Maybe just another teensy look"

I hate blind carbon copies when the computers are down.

'Your reign of terror is over evil dragon, for I have slain your internet service provider!'

A repairman has a small box marked 'Useful Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Screws.'

"It's retro night, I turn off the wifi and everyone has to talk to each other. Party like it's 1995, dudes!"

The anti-social network: 'In other words, you want to help the internet blow itself up.'

'My first one is obvious making it illegal to ever question me...In that case, it'll be the right for everyone to never question me! Good catch, daddy. Thanks...'