Technology Juggler Gifts

"I'll call you back. I'm in the middle of a make-over."

"For your enjoyment: Please turn off electronic devices, close your eyes, and cover your ears."

Randy "The Rock" Taylor's new unified theory of picking up chicks: You've got 20 seconds to get her attention before an email, text, phone call or tweet interrupts. Hey babe. I've got huge biceps, a sweet hybrid with fold-down seats and an iTunes collection with the year's hottest smoochin' music. Beep! Hold that thought. I've got an incoming call. Interesting. Make that fifteen seconds! Pardon? Were you talking? Wait, incoming text.

Ugh, you go ahead – I have five months of emails to catch up on.

'I would've been ready earlier but after replying to email, checking cell phone messages, and adding Myspace friends, I forgot who you were.'

'It's great to get back to the simple life,'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

My phone is synced with my tablet, my tablet is synced with my laptop ... but none of them are synced with me."

There now, that wasn't too difficult was it!

'We need a product line that will stimulate our profit line.'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

In Tray, Out Tray, and Shredded Paper Tray

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

'I need a text-mail interpreter.'

"Hello?"

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

A single man has the job title of CEO, Business Manager, HR, Undermanager, Head of Division, Personnel. . .

'He pats my back, but I don't pat his.'

"It just doesn't seem right. Ever since the new system upgrade nothing is where it used to be!"

... and I'd suggest you take more frequent breaks from your computer.

'I've gone from spanning the globe at lightening speed to struggling with some techie's accent over a bad connection.'

'It's for you.'

One Man Band

"Judging by all the hair you've pulled out of your head, I must be hard to teach technology to than I thought."

'Will this job requirer me to look up from my phone?'

Trapeze artists.

"My eyes ache, that's enough zoom meetings and screentime for today."

You were watching tv on your cellphone while driving, and almost hit an old lady. Guilty. No more multitasking. You are no longer allowed to do two things at once. Okay. Or three things! Death of a loophole.

'I can't make coffee, but I can keyboard, file, take shorthand and answer the phones like a champ!'

I hate blind carbon copies when the computers are down.