Technology Buffs Gifts

"Uber will be here a week from tomorrow at 2:17 PM."

'Everybody's using 'em...'

"I've just ordered a chicken and an egg online...I wonder what'll come first...?"

Ruth and her new cordless telephone.

"You know how it is. Some days you like to drive, some days you like to be driven."

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

"I wonder what our clients are doing out there."

Deer TV

A traffic jam on a road signposted to 'Progress'.

"Oh, Arnold Snivington e-mailed his lastest novel"

'In our day, we had to squeeze rubber balls on horns with our mouths to hear music.'

'Green technology?'

Man with watch displaying sunrise

'My dad just invented the wheel!'

Man runs into Bigfoot taking a selfie.

'In my day, we were not microchipped: We were branded!'

The Daily Planet: The Newspaper that listen to you.

'We used to be a nuclear family...now we're cellular.'

Man looking at a mausoleum in a cemetery that has been fitted with a satellite antenna

Check it out - it tell you if the people you bit were fit!

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

That's another earthling who hasn't even looked up from one of those things. I miss the days when they at least recognized the abduction experience.

If you're calling from a touch tone phone, press "1." If you're calling from a rotary dial phone, are you aware that touch tone phones have been around since November 18, 1963? Just sayin'.

"I have no feelings about having no feelings."

Highlights From The Annual Central Park Country Fair

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

In the Guru District

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'