Tech-timid Gifts

"He's afraid of getting on the computer. Or as I call it, cyberinsecurity."

"Hey, Dad! Did you get the Covid app?"

'I was trying to phone my mother and ended up closing my bank account, taking 15 pictures of my nostrils buying a sheep!'

'I can't keep up with technology. Just when I finally learned how to use the fax machine they come out with Internet faxing.'

"This should be called a rude phone, instead of a smart phone. It just called me an idiot for not knowing how to use it."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Second lifeReal life.

"I discovered our home can be programmed to spit out any unnecessary clutter."

"My mom's restricting my phone. She says I don't have enough Selfie Control."

Binary Man

The whole family can't wrench a teen away from his computer.

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

Haven't Rented a Game in 2 Weeks.

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

"Our problem is we upgraded everything in the new version except the hype."

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

Obsolete: Any piece of machinery that you bought last week for $100,000.

'It seems that their databank has all the information that's in our databank, plus information that's not in our databank, plus information about our databank.'

"Damn, I forgot to create the 'control-Z' command."

"Have you tried turning it off and on?"

"This is where I keep my entire music collection."

'The reason you can't move the little men around is because it's an ant farm.'

"You probably don't need to write 'sorry for the delayed reply' every time, Natasha."

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"