Tech-stressed Gifts

Love Hate Computer Relationship

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

How many times do I have to tell you. . . you're broke! Broke! Broke!

"But you said that to make it start, I had to 'Boot it up'!"

"Woke up this morning, forgot my apple id..."

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

God creates humans.

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

"I miss the old days."

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

The Tell-Tale Heart 2: Lost Phone On Vibrate

STRIP Hambone: To old to work computers

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

"I'd be happy if I got half the attention and was half as clever as my kids' smartphones."

Stressed Office Junior

'I'm worried, the software that can replace me is becoming more affordable.'

"They call it the Cloud. No wonder I Can't find anything in it."

"Aw geez. I can't unlock my phone." "That's the TV remote. And we're out of Chardonnay."

We know your e-mail address!

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

The smartphone app learning curve

'I'm afraid keeping up with digital technology has finally taken its toll.'

"If it makes you feel better...I usually don't understand what I'm doing either."

“Something’s wrong with my android.”

'If you want to pay your bill, press one. If you want to discuss your bill, press two. If you're frustrated because you can't just talk to a living, breathing, human being, press three.'

"Mrs. HIggins, which button do I push to make a smiley face?"

'My computers down again!'

"Sorry to bother you but I can't ask my son for computer help while he's in a in time out."

"I thought I'd gotten away with it, but with technology's advancements it's only a matter of time before they find out about that term paper I plagiarized."

"No, no, don't crash. . . I forgot to save my document!"

'His pacemaker keeps opening and shutting the garage door.'

Radiation Babe

"My smart-phone has big ears. . . we have one little quarrel. . . and I start getting pop-up-ads for counselling therapy."