Tech Nervous Gifts

Girl Afraid of PC Mouse

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

Abandoning the computer for a typewriter.

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

Second lifeReal life.

"My mom's restricting my phone. She says I don't have enough Selfie Control."

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

The whole family can't wrench a teen away from his computer.

Haven't Rented a Game in 2 Weeks.

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

"A watched file never loads..."

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

'It seems that their databank has all the information that's in our databank, plus information that's not in our databank, plus information about our databank.'

"Damn, I forgot to create the 'control-Z' command."

"Have you tried turning it off and on?"

"Woke up this morning, forgot my apple id..."

"This is where I keep my entire music collection."

"But you said that to make it start, I had to 'Boot it up'!"

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

"You probably don't need to write 'sorry for the delayed reply' every time, Natasha."

STRIP Hambone: "System been down long?"

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

Virtual chicken crossing the road.

'Roll on the stoneless office.'

"Ooh, this looks nice. Would you like to go for a scroll?"

'My website? Oh, it was a bit of a one hit wonder.'

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'