Tech Nervous Gifts

Girl Afraid of PC Mouse

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

Abandoning the computer for a typewriter.

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

Second lifeReal life.

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

"My mom's restricting my phone. She says I don't have enough Selfie Control."

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

The whole family can't wrench a teen away from his computer.

"See? Two seconds with my quantum physics app."

Haven't Rented a Game in 2 Weeks.

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"A watched file never loads..."

'It seems that their databank has all the information that's in our databank, plus information that's not in our databank, plus information about our databank.'

Computers. Tablets. Laptops. The model is entirely voice-activated. I've always wanted to tell a computer "off."

"Have you tried turning it off and on?"

"This is where I keep my entire music collection."

"Damn, I forgot to create the 'control-Z' command."

"You probably don't need to write 'sorry for the delayed reply' every time, Natasha."

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

"But you said that to make it start, I had to 'Boot it up'!"

"Woke up this morning, forgot my apple id..."

STRIP Hambone: "System been down long?"

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

'My website? Oh, it was a bit of a one hit wonder.'

Virtual chicken crossing the road.

"Ooh, this looks nice. Would you like to go for a scroll?"

'Roll on the stoneless office.'