Tech-savvy Deity Pillows

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

Zeus recharges lightening bolts.

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

"Good old Frank. He was always thinking of others."

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'We have to move - they're putting in a cell phone tower up here.'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

'I wish Brother Gregory would spend less time surfing the 'net.''

'He says he's tried sending you tweets but his cell phones keep melting.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

'I'd still be in a luxurious office instead of a smelly cave if I really knew the secret of keeping customers.'

Religion and technology.

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

Palm Top Readings

"To create the universe, hit the space bar."

Plugged In

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."