Tech-savvy Altruist Pillows

"Can I Venmo you?"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

I downloaded Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" into it's memory, and now the "command" key isn't working.

"Does the ark have wifi?"

"I'm going on a retreat."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

''The Thinker' is an outdated concept.'

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

"Do you know of any good empathy apps?"

'I haven't hand colored eggs in years.'

'Grandpa says that, in his day, he had to walk 20 miles in the snow just to steal music.'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Palm Top Readings

"@FBarnes12 favorited a prophecy you were mentioned in."

The Blogger.

Confession plugged up to an amp.

"It's a bit of a scam. They sell the crystal ball at cost, then nail you on the price of replacement psych-ink cartridges."

"Okay, I got your stuff ordered. I work remotely now."

The answers you seek are within yourself. But ok, the capitol of Bulgaria is Sofia. Zen Siri.

Binary meditation.

"I'm going on a retreat."

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"

"I made a video of your water baptism..."

"I want to get away to it all."

"Uh-oh. Get ready for another tribulation. God's raging on social media again."

"Give me your KickStarter URL again. I'll just PayPal my money."

"Ten commandments? -- Can you do that in 140 characters or less?"

Father Tim is enjoying the new normal a bit too much.

Will this one count my blessings and display them one by one?

"He overcame his vow of silence by texting on his phone."

"My ringtone is the sound of one hand clapping."

Psychic operating her crystal ball with a mouse.

Please Give or Text 'Beggar' on Your Phone (A $10 charge will appear on your next bill. Standard fees and data rates apply.)