Tech-savvy Philanthropist Pillows

'Check the amount, put your pin in and press the green button.'

Please Give or Text 'Beggar' on Your Phone (A $10 charge will appear on your next bill. Standard fees and data rates apply.)

Beggar appears digitally on screen to beg for money with card swiper technology.

'Now accepting credit cards.'

Please help.

"No change? No problem! I got this credit card reader for Christmas."

"Give me your KickStarter URL again. I'll just PayPal my money."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

Search for Rare Bitcoin

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"I really don't care what yours says. My weather app says rain for 40 days and 40 nights. I think you should probably go with that, Noah."

I downloaded Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" into it's memory, and now the "command" key isn't working.

'This app tells me how near my friends are...'

Follow God On Twitter

''The Thinker' is an outdated concept.'

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

"Buy my data $20"

This Cave Updated Daily.

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

"Excuse me, it's my reminder to get a life."

"Since we became a paperless workplace, it's harder to keep track of how much work Ziegler is actually doing!"

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

"I have 130 disciples following me on Twitter."

Rationalization

"@FBarnes12 favorited a prophecy you were mentioned in."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

The Blogger.

'Does it come with any Apps'

All-knowing mountain guru consults the internet.

"Okay, I got your stuff ordered. I work remotely now."

"What format shalt I save these in?"

A Fortune-teller clicking on her mouse attached to her crystal ball.

"He calls it the eBible."