Tech-savvy Do-gooder Pillows

Homeless: We now take paypal.

"I really don't care what yours says. My weather app says rain for 40 days and 40 nights. I think you should probably go with that, Noah."

'This app tells me how near my friends are...'

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"I wish you people would just read the blog."

"Buy my data $20"

"Hang on. . . I think I've got an app for that."

"Excuse me, it's my reminder to get a life."

'I've deleted my on-line homework teacher three times but he won't go away.'

"Since we became a paperless workplace, it's harder to keep track of how much work Ziegler is actually doing!"

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Rationalization

"I have 130 disciples following me on Twitter."

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

All-knowing mountain guru consults the internet.

"Now I'd like to introduce the rest of my band. Give it up for my laptop!"

"Okay, I got your stuff ordered. I work remotely now."

"I'm sorry, Derek, but, now that Kelsey has learned how to convert JPEGs into PDFs, we can't justify keeping you on."

All my gifts come from Amazon anyway, so instead of asking Santa, I'm asking Alexa.

'I steal from the rich databases and give to the poor databases.'

'I see your office is as secure as your website.'

"Give me your KickStarter URL again. I'll just PayPal my money."

Ask Sadie. My wife and I are getting a puppy soon. Any training tips? - Jay and Emily, Charlotte, NC. Sent from my iPad. Oh yes. A tip: Have him poop on your @#$% iPad, you high-tech boobs! Irrelevant and gratuitous. Sent from my lungs. You need the toothbrush app.

STRIP *Community Care * Skilled volunteer

"Where do you want the new guy to start?"

Snake Charmer using an MP3 device.

Please Give or Text 'Beggar' on Your Phone (A $10 charge will appear on your next bill. Standard fees and data rates apply.)

Please help.

Clean your mobile phone screen, sir?

Please Help! More Information On My Website. . .

'He said he sent you two tweets this week.'

"Today we learn about multitasking, so play on your phones, talk to each other, and listen to me at the same time."

'Fighting evil, fighting evil, fighting evil...oh, wait, how about the 17th, say noonish?'