Tech Noob Gifts

Great Moments in Chess

"I promise that this will be the last time that Daddy will ask you to help him post his resume online."

"This secret memo I'm typing needs to be encrypted. How do I turn off spell check?"

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Computer Bore

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

Grandma's caf

Robot Grabber Arcade Game Machine

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

"Sorry it's late. I got caught in Spring migration."

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"I may have been the runt of the litter, but online I'm the alpha dog."

"Tarzan no want computer."

"After finally discovering that we exist, you would think you would have something more important to ask than if we had Roku."

Cell phones seem as if they are designed for a T-Rex!

"I don't know who will be obsolete first, me or my computer."

"He's at that awkward age...he knows just enough about computers to really screw them up."

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

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"I had to hire younger employees to keep up with today's technology and social media."

'Do you know where your phone charger is? . . . I know where mine is.'

Now hiring. You seem very motivated. It's my internal drive!

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

"Come left to course zero two five - whoa - use your turn signal."

Look, dork, I won't ask again. Will you help me use a computer? Maybe. What for? Internet Scrabble. I hear it is possible to play – what is the word? Online? I should like to send data over cyberspace. Through cyberspace.

"Tonight, Daddy's going to teach you how to stay save on the internet."

Cell Phone

Bubbie Selfies

"I thought a wheel was a wheel."

"This thing isn't working."

"How much storage does he bleedin' want?!"

'I hear that earthlings have finished their space shuttle program. I hope they don't make it here. It would destroy proprty values.'