Tech Job Gifts

Computer Dating

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

Outer Space Outsourcing

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

"Our new automated workers need a little fine tuning, but they're coming along..."

"Was that my pager or yours?"

Computer Hitching a Ride to Silicon Valley

'New Game'

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

All the apps hidden within a phone

'You're hired, but remember, you can be replaced by a machine...believe me.'

Cloud Computing.

S.S.dot.com

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

"Fact amnesty"

There will be no economics report...our economics reporter got caught in the tech carnage...

'No no Mr. Peters, you are not being outsourced. You are being virtualised in 'the cloud'.'

"All my gadgets are old. I'd like some new gadgets."

"No, he's not on any antidepressants. His euphoric mood is coming from me installing a robocall blocker on his phone."

"Whoa - not so fast! I've got to check your browsing history first..."

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Desert wifi

and this little light starts blinking when your computer becomes obsolete

"What the hell sort of convenient new feature is this?"

"It's not your phone service... you're talking into a spring roll."